


12 Days of Christmas

by parkrstark



Category: Castle
Genre: Christmas, First Kiss, M/M, Mistletoe, Secret Admirer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-08
Updated: 2016-01-08
Packaged: 2018-05-12 13:21:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5667550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parkrstark/pseuds/parkrstark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Secret Santa Fic Exchange 2k15: Javi loves Kevin, that much he knows. What he can’t figure out is how to go about telling him, so, instead, he starts leaving him gifts from a “secret admirer”, half hoping Kevin will figure it out on his own. Kevin isn’t a detective for nothing and eventually comes to the conclusion that his partner is a romantic dork, but decides to wait and see if he'll really go through with the full 12 Days of Christmas before revealing that he knew it was him since "three french hens". Get together fic, smut if you wish.</p>
            </blockquote>





	12 Days of Christmas

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RyspositoWritings](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RyspositoWritings/gifts).



> I am so sorry that this is technically 15 minutes late. It was supposed to be up much early, but I had a medical issue that set me back a few days. 
> 
> I really hope you like this, Hannah. Ahh I'm so nervous.

Javier Esposito was not good at picking out gifts for people. He spent hours into the shopping and thinking, but when he watched his present being opened the look of the receiver's face was enough to know he screwed up.

He was used to it; that flicker of disappointment in the eye that was quickly replaced by feigned excitement. Whether they already had the gift, it wasn't their style or Javier was just so off base that an excuse wasn't needed.

So as he got older, he started to just give more gift cards than actual gifts. It was much less personal, and sure people sometimes made a face, but they would have been upset if he picked out an actual gift. Damned if he did, damned if he didn't.

There were only two people who appreciated his gifts, his mother and Kevin Ryan. Javier suspected that she only pretended to like his gifts because she was his mother, but one year when he bought her a gift card, not wanting her to get yet another crappy present, she slapped him upside the head.

" _You're giving your mother a gift card to Applebee's for Christmas? What happened to those cute little figurines? I have one from every year since you joined the Academy and now I'll have an empty spot."_

" _I thought you'd like that better. You don't have to pretend to like them, Mama. I'm a grown man."_

" _Pretend? Trust me, you'd know if I didn't like your present...just like right now." She laughed, but when she saw Javier still frowning, she grew serious. "Javi, I love your presents because I love you. Those small glass figurines show me you took the time to go around and find the perfect thing for me. The love you put into it is half the gift, you know."_

Javier never forgot those words and the next day he made sure to be the limited edition glass angel that he had gotten for her all the previous years. That time when he watched her open it, her smile seemed all the more sincere.

But Kevin couldn't use the mother excuse when he truly liked Javier's presents. The way his eyes lit up every birthday, Christmas, anniversary and any other holiday that Javier and Kevin deemed important enough to exchange gifts on, when he opened up his present made all the hours that Javier spent trying to find the perfect thing for his partner.

Their first Christmas together as partners was simple enough with a six pack of beers and a gift card to an Irish Pub-Restaurant. But when Kevin invited Javier to dinner because he wouldn't use up the whole card with just himself and then they both crashed at Javier's place after splitting the six pack over a game of Madden, that's when Javier should have known that they reached a point where the gift giving wouldn't be as easy anymore.

It started from spending hours in the mall trying to find the perfect gift and turned into randomly walking down the street one day and seeing something in the window that made him think of Kevin and he would pick it up even if there wasn't a special occasion.

It wasn't weird for Javier to show up to work with a small plastic bag in hand because he found something for Kevin. Javier never really noticed when shopping for gifts was no longer a hassle. Well, for everyone else it still was, but it became so easy for Javier to know _exactly_ what Kevin would like that he actually looked forward to shopping for his partner.

But for the first time in 12 years Javier didn't know what to get for Kevin. Not because he had no ideas, but because they weren't right. This year had to be _perfect_.

This was the year he was going to finally grow some balls and tell Kevin that he liked him a little more than he let on. Okay, maybe, a lot more.

So Javier doubted that the collector's edition of JRR Tolkien's _Lord of the Rings_ would help Kevin understand what Javier was trying to say. It was still a gift that Kevin would die for, so of course he'd keep it for maybe a one week anniversary gift. That is, if he had the balls to tell him in the first place.

He could definitely tell him if he had the perfect gift. But what _was_ the perfect gift? He'd been pondering that question for the past week, but still he had no ideas.

Until the other morning when he got into his car to drive to work. He forgot that he drove Ryan home last night, who insisted to blast the radio station playing Christmas music continuously until Christmas, so when he started the car a familiar tune blared from his speakers.

_-And a partridge in a pear tree._

_On the 5th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me 5 golden rings!-_

Javier's eyes widened as he listened to the song. A song that he'd heard dozens of times already just this season. But only now was he suddenly getting the idea. Instantly giddy, Javier couldn't wait to get home and start planning. If he was going to go through with this idea then he only had three days to plan before he had to get into action.

On December 13, Javier needed to start his 12 days of gift giving. And he would correlate each day with the lyrics to the song. He of course wasn't getting his partner an actual patridge in a pear tree; that would be ridiculous. He even totalled it up and it would be around $27,000. He loved Kevin to pieces, but he just couldn't just drop that much money in one year. And besides, Javier could do much better with personal and meaningful gifts.

So he went home that night and sat down for hours, thinking of the _perfect_ gifts. He liked some better than others, but it was the best he could do considering some of the gifts in the song. Like hens and geese and dancing ladies.

And now, here he was, exactly 12 days before Christmas with a note for his partner and a stomach full of butterflies.

Kevin was babbling about some movie he was watching last night. But Javier didn't hear one word he was saying. He saw Kevin's lips moving, a constant smile glowing along with his bright blue eyes. And his hands were gesturing wildly, aiding his story telling.

Javier was too busy trying to figure out when would be the right time to drop the note on his partner's desk. Would it even be enough? Or would Kevin roll his eyes and throw it in the garbage?

Javier felt sweat start to form little beads on his forehead and his leg started to jitter nervously. He needed to drop the present before he chickened out.

Then suddenly, Kevin stood up and broke Javier from his nervous gaze. He blinked a few times as Kevin walked past him before he quickly grabbed the back of his sleeve to get his attention. Kevin turned around with a questioning look on his face.

"Where, uh, where are you going?"

Kevin didn't answer right away; he stared at Javier like he'd grown another head. "I told you a second ago...the bathroom."

Javier let go of Kevin's sleeve. "Oh, yeah. Sorry."

Kevin looked down at Javier in concern. "You okay, Javi? You're sweating and your face is flushed. Are you sick?"

"No," he quickly answered. "I'm fine."

Kevin seemed to hesitate. "Okay...if anything changes, tell me." Javier rolled his eyes as Kevin walked away towards the bathroom.

Javier waited until Kevin disappeared from the bullpen before he stood up from his desk. He slowly walked to Kevin's desk, keeping an eye out for anyone watching him. It wasn't odd for him to be at Kevin's desk throughout the day, whether his partner was present or not. So it wouldn't raise any alarms, but once Kevin found the present on his desk people could start putting two and two together.

Once the coast was clear enough and he double checked that Beckett's office door was shut, he pulled out the small wrapped box and the note. He stole one more glance around the floor, then carefully placed the gift on his partner's desk. With a small smile, he dropped the small card on top.

He stood back to inspect his work. It was small and somewhat easy to miss, but Javier knew that the moment Kevin returned, he would know his 'system' was being disrupted. He nodded his head, with the smile still on his face and turned back to his own desk.

"'Sito!"

Javier's eyes widened and his head whipped towards the elevator where Castle was heading towards him. Javier's eyes shot over to where Kevin's present was still sitting on top of his files. Shit. If Castle saw it then he'd make a big deal and Javier would be found out. His cover was going to be blown not even a day in.

So Javier would have to keep him distracted before he ruined the surprise for Kevin. But, luck must have been on his side today because before Castle could even reach their desks, Kevin was coming back.

"Hey, Castle!" Kevin's cheery voice caught the writer's attention and Javier breathed a sigh of relief when he turned around.

Javier could hear them talking as they walked side by side towards him. _This is it_ , Javier thought. Once Kevin saw the present, there was no turning back.

Javier watched silently as Kevin came back to sit down in his seat. His attention was on Castle, so he didn't notice the small wrapped present until he sat down. His eyes widened and whatever response he was about to give Castle died on his lips.

He reached out, but his hand stopped just short. Javier quickly looked down at his desk and pretended he didn't notice. He only turned his head up again when Kevin said, "Uh, Javi?"

"Yeah, Kev?"

"Did you see anyone by my desk?"

"No, bro. Why?" Javier was glad that Kevin wasn't paying too much attention to him. Kevin could always tell when he was lying.

"There's a little gift here…" Kevin said, but didn't go to pick it up yet. He almost sounded shocked that he had a present. "I wonder who it's from-"

"Well, open it and find out!" Castle said excitedly, dragging a chair over next to Kevin's desk.

Kevin finally took the card in his hand and read it out loud, " _I thought these would make a better pair. Though you and me still make the best. Signed..._ " Kevin's eyes widened and didn't voice the signature.

Castle started to get antsy. "What? What does it say?" He tried to read the card upside down.

"It's...it's from my 'true love'." Kevin traced his finger delicately over the signature.

"Your true love? Like a secret admirer," Castle noted, clearly delighted at the new mystery.

Kevin didn't answer the writer's question because he was too busy carefully unwrapping the box. Javier watched for his reaction carefully as Kevin lifted the lid and looked inside.

A smile grew on Kevin's face as he pulled the present out of the small box. "It's a pair of cufflinks." He stared down at them and laughed softly. "Whoever did this must know me well. I lost my favorite pair of cufflinks last week and needed a new pair."

Castle leaned over to get a good look. "Hey, what're those letters inscribed?"

Kevin took a closer look. "K and J…"

Castle leaned back in chair and looked deep in thought. "So, a _pair_ of cufflinks, initials, and it's from your true love. There has to be a clue somewhere...I can feel it. I just can't quite place it."

Javier looked over at him in worry, hoping Castle wouldn't use his weird working brain to ruin his plan. But when he took a look at his partner, he noticed Kevin was too busy focusing on his new gift to acknowledge Castle.

Javier watched him put the cufflinks on carefully and the smile on Kevin's face made his own lips upturn.

* * *

Later in the day, Javier got a moment alone with Kevin in the car on their way to pick up a witness.

Javier just had to know if he was making a fool of himself or not. "So, you got a new pair of cufflinks."

Kevin nodded happily, looking down at them again. He was enamored with them the first hour after he opened the present. Javier hoped Kevin would enjoy them, but it was only a stupid pair of cufflinks. Kevin looked at them on his wrists like they were they were his most valuable possession.

"Yeah." He got that dopey smile back on his face again.

"You like them?" Javier stole a quick glance at his partner before turning his eyes back to the road.

"I do," Kevin said earnestly. "But I just wish I knew who gave it to me. I'm still kinda surprised though." He chuckled.

Javier furrowed his eyebrows. "Surprised? Why's that?"

"Come on, Javi. We both know I don't have a line of people asking for my number."

"Even with eyes like those?" Javier teased- okay maybe flirted.

Kevin rolled said eyes.

Javier laughed softly. "Okay, but in all seriousness, why is it so hard to believe you have a secret admirer, Ryan?"

Kevin shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know." He smiled and asked, "Do you think there'll be more?"

"I don't know, bro. Do you want there to be more?"

"Yeah." Kevin looked at his cufflinks again. "It's nice to see someone putting thought and time into something just for me."

Javier glanced over at Kevin again. Even if Kevin rejected him in the end, it would be worth it as he watched Kevin smile brightly at each new gift.

* * *

Javier had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from breaking out into a large grin when he saw Kevin wearing the cufflinks again.

Just like any other day, Kevin was sitting behind his desk working on the reports from their last case.

Kevin didn't figure out the puzzle of the gift giving being a copy of _The 12 Days of Christmas_ the previous day so he wasn't expecting another gift today.

He had to wait for the perfect time to drop today's gift, which turned out to be when Kevin went to the vending machine to grab him and Javier some snacks.

Javier snuck his arm over to Kevin's desk and put his next gift in the same spot as yesterday.

He stared at the disfigured turtle carved from a bar of soap. That had taken him at least three hours and a few knicks on his hand. He knew he was hopelessly in love with his partner just as he finished carving a small smile on the turtle's face.

Kevin came back with a candy bar and a bag of chips. He tossed Javier the chips before he sat down.

Javier watched him grin and pick up the small carving with delicate fingers. "Hey, Javi, look it's a cute little turtle."

Javier chuckled, happy that Kevin didn't think it was stupid.

" _In case you couldn't tell, it's a turtle. Signed, your true love._ " Kevin read the small note that wasn't really needed. "I'm gonna put him right here." Kevin placed it next to the framed photograph of him and Javier during their 10th anniversary celebration at The Old Haunt.

"Really, bro? It's just a turtle made out of soap." Javier raised his eyebrows.

Kevin shook his head. "No. Look at it; this must have taken hours. Whoever took the time to make this for me cares. I can't personally thank them, but I can show them how much I appreciate it."

Javier felt his heart warm at how thoughtful his partner was, but on the outside he played it cool. "Whatever you say, Kev."

"And you didn't see anyone by my desk while I was gone?" Kevin asked. "You were here."

Shit, Javier hadn't thought of that. "Beckett called me into her office for a quick second," Javier fibbed.

Kevin looked ready to challenge him when Castle interrupted them. "Guys, I have an idea!"

They both turned to watch the writer running up to them from the elevator. "About what, bro?" Esposito asked.

Castle stopped between their desks and as he caught his breath he looked over at Ryan. "Did you get something else today?"

Kevin nodded and pointed towards the little turtle on his desk.

Castle grinned and slapped a piece of paper on Kevin's desk. "I was up all last night trying to piece everything together. And I thought _maybe_ your secret admirer was giving you gifts based on the Christmas carol, _The 12 Days of Christmas_. And I was totally right!"

Javier watched with baited breath as Kevin looked from Castle to his carved turtle. Javier was not expecting Castle to figure it out that easily.

"Look," Castle said when he saw Kevin wasn't following. "Yesterday you got a _pair_ of cufflinks and the word 'pair' was emphasized. As in the first day of Christmas, a partridge in a _pear_ tree from their _true love_. And today, a turtle carved from a bar of Dove soap."

"Oh," Kevin said softly, staring down at the turtle with a small smile.

"You're going to give your secret admirer a complex," Castle said suddenly, looking at the turtle as well.

"Why? What's wrong?" Kevin frowned.

Castle rolled his eyes. "You put it right next to a picture of you and Espo. _Your best friend._ He's competition." Castle nodded his head towards Javier, as if he didn't hear him.

Any other day Javier would have rolled his eyes and made a joke. But now, all he could do was stare down at his desk to try and hide the panic in his eyes.

"That's where I keep my important stuff. Javier is just as important as whoever keeps sending me presents is," Kevin said matter of fact. "And don't call them my 'secret admirer'; that sounds so cliche and sappy."

"Like giving you the 12 days of Christmas isn't?" Castle raised his eyebrows.

"He's got a point, bro." Javier had to get in the conversation so his partner didn't think anything was wrong. Because Kevin would _definitely_ sense the tiniest change in behavior when it came to his partner.

"Well, _I_ think it's romantic."

Javier smiled at Kevin. Romantic. He knew his partner would appreciate his efforts, even if he didn't know he was the one doing it all. Well, he didn't know _yet._

* * *

Kevin knew. Of course he did. Well, he didn't know for sure until day three.

Kevin came into work and there was a hot croissant on his desk with a note that said, ' _Well, it's French, right?'_

Croissants were Kevin's favorite and he eagerly took a bite. His teeth sunk into the pastry and he groaned in delight.

This was the best croissant he'd ever had. This perfect of a treat could only be found an hour away at the bakery all the way in Long Island. Kevin knew because only one bakery in all of New York could make something this delicious. Every year on his birthday, Javier always treated him to one of these croissants because he knew they were his favorite…

Kevin stopped chewing and felt like he was hit with a sack of bricks.

Day one he got a pair of cufflinks...a few days after he complained to Javier about losing his pair.

Day two he got that carved duck that wasn't perfect, but he knew it took hours. Only Javi would do that for him.

And today he got a croissant that only Javier knew he adored.

Kevin stared down at the pastry in his hand and smiled softly. His partner was doing this for him. Looking at the note again he felt his stomach swirl. Javier had signed each card, 'your true love'. _Javier loved him._

"Hey, bro. What'cha got?"

Kevin smiled and turned around to face his partner. He could easily solve this right now and jump into Javier's arms. Or he could play stupid and see just how sappy Javier's presents got. That sounded like the better idea.

"Croissant."

Javier pretended to extend his arm to steal a piece of Kevin's snack, but his arm was swatted away. Javier looked at his partner with a smile. "That good, huh?"

"My favorite," Kevin said, noticing Javier's smile widen. "You better watch out, Javi, my 'true love' is trying to steal your thunder."

"I don't think I have anything to worry about," Javier said with a smirk.

And he truly didn't. Nobody else cared for him the way Javier did and nobody could ever love Javier as strongly as Kevin did.

* * *

Every morning after that day, Kevin found himself actually able to get out of bed and function before seven without coffee. He was eager to get to the 12th and see just what Javier had left him that day. If was even possible for him to out-sap himself.

Castle thought it was hilarious and even Beckett liked to watch Kevin open his new gift in the morning. Javier stayed at his desk, not trying to seem too into it, but also giving some reaction so he didn't look suspicious. Kevin thought it was cute how hard Javier was trying to keep it a secret. Too bad Kevin knew his partner like the back of his hand.

He even left his desk, pretending to be busy whenever Kevin left his desk so he couldn't tell Kevin if he saw anyone by their desks. It was really adorable.

He had a small box at his apartment, just besides the photo album filled with pictures of him and Javi over the years that Mama Esposito put together for him last Christmas, that kept all the notes from his 'secret' admirer. He kept his gifts close by in his apartment.

Except for the fifth day gift because it was onion rings from Stevie, the street vendor just outside the 12th that Kevin and Javier loved to eat at. It was much more corny with the note, ' _It's a little early for a golden ring, dontcha think?'_

His favorite had to be the mug he got on the eighth day. Javier got creative with the "eight maids a milking". The note tucked inside the large white coffee mug said, ' _When you're drinking your honeymilk in bed after a long day's work, you'll think of me.'_

Kevin first thought that it was just a white mug, but when he picked it up and looked inside he saw just how wrong he was. It was small and simple, but on the bottom of the cup were the words ' _I love you'_ with a little heart. It had taken all of Kevin's self control to not grab Javier and pull him into a kiss. Javier watched intently as Kevin read the cup and when he showed him the words (like he didn't already know) Javier laughed and said it was a sappy, girly gift. Kevin made sure Javier knew how much he loved it.

And Kevin loved it even more that night when he finished off his warm honey-milk and could read those three words. Even though he knew they were there, he got just as excited to see them again with each sip.

Today's gift made him laugh when he saw a copy of _Dirty Dancing_ on his desk and a note. ' _Instead of 9, here's one lady dancing and a dude'._ Castle laughed, too, but he didn't _understand_. A few years back, for months before the talent show, Javier and him watched this movie until they thought they were going to burn Gwen's DVD. She didn't want to know why her brother needed to borrow _Dirty Dancing_ to study the ending dance scene so him and his partner could do it together.

Every night was take out (sometimes Javier made some homemade dishes, too), beer and dancing. Kevin's roadkill coach was pushed to the side so they could stumble around his living room until they _perfected_ the dance. The stepped-on-toes, sexual tension and the bruise on Kevin's thigh from that one time Javier accidently dropped him on the coffee table was totally worth it when they won first place and Javier picked him up in a hug to twirl him around for the second time that night.

Whenever they mentioned the movie, both pretended like they were so sick of it, but really they were both disappointed when they had to give it back to Gwen.

But, now they had their own copy. Except, Kevin couldn't even invite him over for a movie night because Javier had been avoiding him since day one. Kevin knew that Javier was probably just nervous, but Kevin missed him.

And if Kevin just showed up to his apartment, there was no way he could turn him away, right?

* * *

Day 10. 10 songs on a CD. Kevin loved music and he could fill it with songs Kevin loved, that they sang along to in their car together and slip in a few of those sappy love songs. But not sappy enough that Kevin would laugh at him.

He was in the middle of searching through his library, trying to narrow down some songs he remembered Kevin blasting every time his phone was aux-ed into the car's speakers when there was a pounding at the door.

Javier frowned, not expecting company. He didn't move and hoped maybe the person had the wrong apartment. But the pounding came back. Javier groaned and walked over to the door. He threw it open and his annoyance turned into confusion when he saw large brown paper bags instead of a person. Then suddenly Kevin's head popped out from behind them and he said, "You mind letting me in? These are kinda heavy."

Javier was still confused, but he took two bags from his partner's arms. "What is all this crap? If you wanted me to make dinner, you know I've got enough here."

Kevin followed him into the kitchen to drop the groceries on the counter. "No, I want you to help me make cookies for my secret santa."

"Cookies?" Javier repeated.

"Yes," Kevin said as he stared taking out eggs, flour and other ingredients he bought to make his cookies from the bag. "Cookies."

"Kevin, we both know you can't cook. Remember my birthday a few years ago with the cake and the fire department?"

"You weren't there to help me that time. This time will go much better." Kevin assured him as he pre-heated the oven.

"You want _me_ to help you with _your secret Santa's_ gift? Baking the cookies is the best part of it."

"I know." Kevin looked up briefly to stare at Javier before turning back to the oven.

"Then shouldn't you wait and make them _with_ your secret santa?" Javier huffed, but started to help Kevin unload the bags and sort the ingredients he bought.

Kevin stayed silent for a moment as he went in Javier's shelf to pull out the large bowl tucked in the back. "C'mon, Jav, you gotta come help me with this dough."

Javier rolled his eyes at his baking-challenged partner and pushed him aside. "Get outta the way before you burn down my kitchen." He began to file through Kevin's purchases and make sure he had everything needed. "Can you grab me a measuring cup?"

Kevin reached over Javier to grab the measuring cup out of the cabinet and set it beside Javier, who was already opening the bag of flour and getting ready to pour. Just like Kevin knew, Javier had his mother's recipe branded in his mind.

Kevin stood back and watched as Javier worked through the steps: measuring and pouring and mixing and some more measuring and pouring. Javier glided around the kitchen like this was what he was meant to do. He didn't hesitate once as his baking slowly turned the concoction of flour, sugar, eggs and a few other special ingredients into a bowl of dough.

When he stepped away to grab a cookie sheet, Kevin stepped forward. With one quick glance at Javier to make sure he wasn't looking, he stuck his finger in the bowl and scooped out some dough. Just as he was raising his finger to his mouth, Javier, without turning around, said, "Get you finger out of that bowl, Kevin."

Kevin stuck it in his mouth anyway and suck the dough off his finger. Just like all of Javier's cooking, there was Heaven in his mouth. Javier turned around and caught him, but just rolled his eyes with the smallest of smiles.

Kevin grinned in return. Javier couldn't have expected him not to try what Javier was making. It went the same way every time Javier cooked a meal, usually dinner before Madden night: Javier got into his zone as he went around the kitchen preparing and chopping and grilling while Kevin watched with a small smile on his face. Javier usually didn't ask for Kevin's help involving cooking and Kevin didn't take offense to that because they both know he couldn't cook to save his life, but sometimes the more intricate recipes required Kevin to help Javier out. And as they shuffled around Javier's small kitchen Kevin accidently brushed against his partner more than once. Even if there was that extra inch of space to put between them.

If Kevin wanted to, he could have easily bought a tub of pre-made cookie dough and made them at his apartment to drop off on Javier's desk the next day, but Kevin didn't want to pass up the chance to bake them with Javier. After all, he did say that the cooking was the best part.

"We can start balling them and then throw them in the oven and play a quick game of Madden." Javier was already rolling a piece of dough between his palms.

"Wait!" Kevin said, finally pulled out of his thoughts, and picked up the last unpacked bag he brought over. "I have Christmas shaped cookie cutters." He lifted them out of the bag to show Javier.

Javier stared at him silently for a moment before he asked, "Are you five-years old?"

Kevin grinned and held them closer for Javier to see. "They're cute. See? There's a candy cane and a snowman and a tree and a..well, actually I don't know what this is." Kevin furrowed his eyebrows and twisted the unknown plastic shape in his hand.

Javier stared at the cookie cutter, trying to figure it out as well, but quickly shook his head. "Kev, those never work. The cookies always expand and the shapes never look like they do on the box."

Kevin quirked an eyebrow. "Is Javier Esposito saying there is something he _can't_ cook?"

"It's physically impossible, Kevin-."

"I never picked you to be a quitter when the going gets tough, Javi."

Javier growled; his partner knew exactly how to push his buttons to get what he wanted. "Fine. Give me the damn tree."

Kevin grinned cheekily and handed Esposito the Christmas tree cutter and put the others on the table. He was already bringing the bowl over to the table so they'd have more room. He heard Javier grumbling behind him, but he knew it was all apart of his 'grumpy Esposito' act.

Javier stopped him before he could empty the dough on the table. "Wait." He grabbed the bag of flour and poured some on the table and on his hands. He pushed the bag to Kevin nodding his head to it. "Your idea, you're helping. Flour up."

Kevin did as told and took a seat on the chair next to Javier. He could have moved the chair away so their elbows stopped bumping, but he didn't.

Javier separated the dough and they both started to cut out little shapes. They looked good, but Javier knew it wouldn't last. After a few minutes of silently cutting out cookies, Kevin said, "I like the snowman."

Javier chuckled, not sure what to do with that information. "Good for you, Kev."

Kevin shrugged his shoulders, but went back to cutting. Javier had a variety of trees, candy canes, stockings and that weird mystery shape cookies in front of him, but Kevin was surrounded by little snowmen. Javier smiled and continued with his own. Until he felt Kevin's eyes on him. Javier tried to concentrate on the last of his dough, but Kevin was too distracting.

"What?" Javier finally asked, looking up at Kevin who was openly staring at him.

Kevin startled, but composed himself again quickly. "Nothing." He turned back to his snowman cookie. Javier wanted to question him further, but he didn't.

So he finished off his last cookie shape and turned to see if Kevin was almost finished with his share of the dough. He was on his last piece, but Javier was surprised to see that Kevin had abandoned his snowman cutter.

"What are ya' making?" Javier inquired leaning closer to Kevin.

Kevin pulled his hands away to show Javier the clear shape of the cookie. "It's a heart for my secret santa. I'll put it on the top of the batch tomorrow."

His partner never ceased to warm his heart. Javier smiled softly; he couldn't wait to take a bite from that cookie tomorrow.

"It's probably going to look like a deformed penis once it comes out of the oven." Javier snorted, sitting up straight.

Kevin ignored his partner and started to put their cookies on two separate cookie sheets. Javier laughed when he saw that Kevin's stupid snowmen cookies took up his entire sheet. He was careful with the placement so when they spread they wouldn't attach to each other. Javier stayed in his seat, preferring to watch Kevin rather than help.

Here he could stare- not in a creepy way, of course- at his partner and wonder how he got so lucky.

How did he get so lucky to have a friend- _a best friend_ like Kevin. It didn't take long after they were partnered up for Javier to realize that Kevin was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. No one else could ever make him feel the way Kevin Ryan did.

It was only taking him 12 years to tell him.

"They should be done in 15 minutes and then we can let 'em cool. If you want…" Kevin continued to talk, but once he had Javier's attention ripped from his thoughts it was than lost on how nice Kevin's ass looked as he bent down to put the cookies in the oven. Unfortunately he wasn't wearing that pair of tight jeans that fit him just right with enough for Javier to oogle at whenever he passed. But, anything looked good on Kevin and while the old sweats he was wearing could have done better, Javier still had a great view.

Thankfully, Kevin had the second cookie sheet on the counter next to him so he didn't have to straighten up; it gave Javier a few extra seconds to stare. He told himself to turn away when Kevin shut the oven door, but Javier couldn't tear his eyes off of Kevin. Once Kevin turned around and his ass was out of view, Javier took in how beautiful Kevin looked. His blue eyes and his uncombed, ungelled hair that looked perfectly mussed. Javier wanted to run his fingers through his hair and feel how soft it was and-

"-earth to Javi."

Javier snapped out of his daze when he realized Kevin was waving his hand in front of his face in concern. "Sorry, bro."

Kevin smiled. "So I was saying, while we wait for the cookies to finish, we can squeeze in a quick round of Call of Duty. We'd get too into Madden and the cookies would burn."

Javier raised his eyebrows, stared at Kevin and then looked around at his messy kitchen. "Or we could clean all this up." There was flour all over the table, a cracked egg on the floor that Kevin dropped and a sink full of dishes.

Kevin groaned; Javier knew he hated cleaning. "C'mon, we can get that later."

"You mean we can get that after you pass out on the couch and I have to clean it up by myself?" Javier asked and Kevin smirked.

"You _like_ cleaning. Here's a mess to clean up. Merry Christmas, Javi." Kevin tried to slip behind Javier and out the kitchen, but Javier grabbed his arm. "Nu-uh, I don't think so. Get your skinny little ass over here and help."

Kevin groaned again, louder this time and more theatrical. He'd been spending way too much time with Castle. " _Javi._ "

Javier knew that whine and he avoided looking at Kevin or else he'd definitely give into those puppy dog eyes. "Don't ' _Javi_ ', me, Kevin."

"It's not even that messy. It's not like this flour went all over the place."

Javier narrowed his eyes; he knew that spark of mischief in Kevin's voice. Usually he was the one beside him causing the trouble together. Javier whirled around and saw Kevin holding the open bag of flour in his hands. "Kevin, don't you dare. You clean this kitchen by yourself with your tongue if you spill that."

"I'm just joking, Javi. Do you really think-," Kevin cut himself off with a yelp. He hadn't seen the broken egg underneath his feet as he walked towards the counter and slipped on the yolk. The flour flew from his hands and seemed to explode in the air, covering Kevin.

The two of them went silent after Kevin's ass hit the tile four hard enough for Javier to hear. Kevin looked up and immediately started to apologize. "Oh, my God, Javi. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do that. I'll clean it all up. I promise."

Javier stared down at Kevin. There was still flour floating in the air around him, but most of it had settled on him. His hair was white and so were his clothes and face and everything else for that matter. Except for his eyes, of course, that now popped a bright blue against the white flour on his cheeks. Javier couldn't even hope to be mad at his partner who was looking like a kicked puppy as he didn't move from his spot on the floor.

Javier chuckled softly at first, but then they steadily grew until he was red faced and gasping for breath between laughs. "Ry-Ryan, you look like one of your s-snowman!" He struggled to say.

The remorse disappeared from Kevin's face and was replaced with an almost irritated look. "Here I am apologizing for messing up everything and _you're laughing_?"

Javier smirked, still laughing. "You sound angry, but I can't see if you face is all red underneath that flour."

Kevin grumbled under his breath as he stood up. Javier laughed harder when he saw the butt-shaped space of floor that wasn't covered in flour because it had settled around Kevin when he fell.

"You made an ass-angel."

Kevin narrowed his eyes and with a glint in his eye, he grabbed the flour bag and what was left inside and made a throwing motion with his arms, but his grip remained on the bag so only the flour went flying out and covered Javier.

Javier blinked and took a moment to take in what Kevin had just done. "You are going to regret that, Ryan," Javier promised.

It was Kevin's turn to chuckle. "I don't think so, Frosty. Flour's all gone."

"Oh, there is more than one way to have a food fight." Javier reached out to grab the last egg from the carton.

Kevin's eyes widened and Javier grinned. "Javi, stop! Don't even think about it!"

But Javier was already running after Kevin with the egg in his raised hand. "It's just a little egg. C'mon, Ry, live a little!"

Kevin ran out of the kitchen and jumped over the couch and down the hall. "Javi, I'll kill you!"

They both could run fast from years in the NYPD, but Javier had the extra training in the military giving him the upper hand. And Kevin was also bound to run out of room to run, anyway. Kevin ran straight into Javier's room and turned around to shut the door behind him, but Javier barreled through tackling Kevin to his bed.

They were both breathing heavy, Kevin's pale cheeks were slightly flushed. He had lost most of the flour during his run, but he was still dusted in it. It went quiet and only their labored breathing filled in the room.

Javier was leaning on top of Kevin and Kevin was staring right back up at him with those baby blues. He looked so perfect underneath him that Javier wanted nothing more than to closes the short distance between their lips.

He leaned closer, feeling Kevin's heart beating faster in his chest. Javier was so close to kissing him and Kevin's eyes fluttered close. But he panicked. He couldn't kiss Kevin. What if he ruined everything? He hadn't even finished giving him his gifts. He couldn't spoil it now without knowing if Kevin really felt about him that way. He couldn't kiss him. He wasn't ready to lose Kevin.

So instead, in a panic, he quickly brought his hand down on the top of Kevin's head and smashed the egg. Javier jumped off of Kevin and hoped he wouldn't notice the slight tent in his pants. Kevin blinked his eyes open and looked over at Javier, who distanced himself at least a foot.

Kevin stared at him with confusion and even a bit of hurt in his eyes. "Javi…" he said, lifting a hand to his hair that was now caked with yolk.

"Told you I'd win." Javier chuckled weakly, avoiding Kevin's eyes.

Kevin stood up and contemplated cracking an egg over Javier's head. He wasn't sure what he supposed to do. He had been positive that Javier was going to kiss him. But then...he just smashed an egg over his head. Javier was the king of sending mixed feelings.

Kevin had thought their night was going well- if not perfect. But then the almost-kiss happened and Kevin felt the awkward sexual tension filling the room. Kevin was used to awkwardness, but it was the sexual tension that was killing him. With any other girl or guy he'd ever been with, there was no tension. If they wanted to kiss, they'd kiss, if they wanted sex, they'd have sex. But this was different. This was him and _Javi_.

He couldn't just say "fuck it" and hope for the best. He couldn't mess this up. So if Javi wasn't ready -for whatever reason- then Kevin wasn't ready either. Even though he was smitten years ago and his 12 days of Christmas was only making Kevin fall harder and harder.

"That's what you think, buddy, but I've got a lot of fight left in me so you better keep your eyes open when you sleep." Kevin joked, trying to lighten the mood again. No matter how irritated he was at his emotionally constipated partner because he couldn't just say "I love you", but instead he had to chicken out and soak his hair in raw egg.

Javier looked up with his grin back in place. "I'd like to see you try, princess."

"We're on truce until after my shower."

Javier laughed. "If it makes you feel any better, I hear that egg is good for the hair."

"I hope the egg clogs your drain," Kevin said as he walked past Javier and towards the bathroom.

Javier shook his head with a smile, glad that Kevin didn't seem too upset. Javier knew how much Kevin hated people messing with his hair. Javier was just grateful that Kevin could never stay mad at Javier. No matter what.

And maybe Javier would get around to growing a pair and actually telling Kevin how he felt without cowering out. Going by his Christmas gifts to Kevin, he only had two days left before was going to either start the best thing he'll ever have or ruin everything he'd had.

* * *

The next morning, Javier stumbled into the precinct at 5:30 in the morning. Kevin had stayed over until 2 and then Javier kicked him out for some sleep. Javier didn't want to, he really didn't.

After Kevin finished his shower, he came out (once the kitchen was cleaned, no surprise there) and sat with Javi. His hair was down and fell against his forehead, looking incredibly soft- the way that Javier preferred it. Kevin had on a pair of Javier's sweats and his Yankees t-shirt that was just a bit big, but Javier thought it was cute.

They sat in the kitchen and talked for hours, but never ran out of words to say. They did start in on the cookies and they finished a full tray, but Kevin didn't look like he minded and Javier sure as hell didn't. At one point, Kevin even offered Javier the last cookie on the plate- the heart shaped one- and Javier didn't know if Kevin realized which he had given away. But Javier took a bite with a smile, hoping Kevin knew exactly what he gave him.

Javier called it quits at 1, knowing not only did they both have work tomorrow, but he still had work to do on Kevin's 11th day of Christmas present. It didn't have anything to do with 'pipers piping' because Javier had no clue where to start with that or what a piping piper even was. So he had to think outside the box. It wasn't much, but Javier figured Kevin would get a kick out of it.

He stole the idea from his sister, remembering her gender-reveal party a few years back. They had a large balloon filled with either pink confetti (for a girl) or blue (for a boy) to let her know if she was having a boy or girl. And when she popped the balloon, pink confetti flew through the air. Javier wasn't going to fill the balloon with pink or blue streamers, he was going to fill 11 balloons with their own little note for Kevin.

Several times Javier had thought against it. It was stupid. He wasn't good at these 'sentimental' gifts, but he knew Kevin would smile brighter than the freaking sun when he saw them so Javier definitely decided that the possibility of making a fool of himself was worth it.

So here he was, sitting at his desk before any other detectives came in, to set up Kevin's balloons. He knew he wouldn't have the precinct alone to himself for much longer so he had to hurry. He was lucky that he had the time now. Or so he thought.

"Uh, Espo, what're you doing?"

Javier stopped blowing air, his lips frozen on the rim of the balloon. He swiveled his chair around to see Beckett staring at him in the doorway of her office. He dropped the balloon in his lap and hoped maybe she didn't notice the other four balloons floating behind him. "I can explain."

Beckett raised her eyebrows. "Is this all for Ryan?"

Javier sputtered, "Wh-What are you talking about?"

Crossing her arms with a roll of her eyes, Beckett said, "Don't play dumb with me, Espo. I know it's you. Sometimes I think you forget I have a great view of the bullpen from my office."

Javier's face burned in embarrassment. "You think it's stupid…" Javier shook his head. "This whole thing is stupid. I don't even know why I'm doing this. He probably doesn't even like me."

Beckett walked over to him and sat in the accompanying chair by his desk. "That's where I think you're wrong." Javier remained silent as he fidgeted with his balloon. Beckett sighed and moved closer to him. "Whether you want to believe me or not, I know he loves you right back."

"Do you think I made a mistake? Is this just going to ruin everything?" Javier finally asked.

Beckett furrowed her brow. "Javi, do you see his face everyday as he looks at your gifts? He loves it. And I think it's really sweet."

"What if he thinks it's someone else? Some cute girl he's got his eye on?" Javier dropped the balloon to his desk with a huff.

Beckett rolled her eyes. "You idiot. Even if Kevin doesn't suspect it's you, I don't think he's going to hate it being from you. Sure, he may be a little surprised you finally pulled your head outta your ass, but I know how he feels about you. _He loves you_."

"Yeah, well, I may have messed that up, too," Javier grumbled, looking down at his lap.

"What did you do?"

"He came over last night...and some stuff happened and I almost kissed him. I was going to kiss him, actually." Javier looked up to meet Beckett's eyes. She was giving him a look that said, ' _Go on_ ', so Javier did with a sigh. "I freaked out, okay?"

" _And_?"

"I freaked out and... I smashed an egg on his head."

She blinked, opened her mouth as if she wanted to say something and then shut it.

"I didn't mean to, okay? We were cooking and I was chasing him and I tackled him to my bed and I kept leaning forward until I was sure we were going to kiss...but then-"

"You mistook his head for a frying pan."

Javier groaned hung his head in his hands. "I'm such an ass, Beckett. I don't know what I was thinking. I should just stop."

"Don't. Unless you _want_ to break Kevin's heart."

"That's ridiculous, Beckett." Javier scoffed.

"And so is stopping this." Beckett looked at the stuff covering Javier's desk.

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, come on. Have you not seen him every day. He practically skips over to his desk every morning. Today, watch his face when he reads your notes and you'll see." She smiled softly, patting Javier's arm before standing up to head back in her office.

Javier just sighed and got back to work. No matter how much of a fool he thought he was making himself out to be, he couldn't let Kevin down.

* * *

Kevin walked into the precinct at exactly 7. He had his hands full with the cookies left from him and Javier least night, but he was still able to work the elevator buttons. When he stepped into the bullpen, he saw Javier sitting at his desk working on some paperwork like every morning.

Kevin felt his smile widen and his walked a bit faster to get to their desks. On his desk he saw a steaming cup of coffee just like Javier always had for him every morning.

"Good morning, Javi," he said as he took his seat.

Javier looked up with a smile and Kevin wanted to smile more just looking at it, but that wasn't possible. "Hey, Kev."

Kevin put the plate of cookies on his desk and searched for a small note card. He was afraid that after what happened last night, Javier would stop leaving him little notes. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw the card perched on his keyboard.

His arm snatched the note in a blink of an eye. He bit his lip to try to conceal some of his excitement as he read it.

 _11 things I_ _love_ _about you_

And with the note, a small needle was taped to the bottom.

Kevin furrowed his brow. Was the needle his gift? He snuck a quick glance up at Javier and saw him staring at him above the paper in his hands. He ducked his head when their eyes briefly met.

Kevin looked back down at the note and tried to look for a clue that could help. Javier's voice dragged his attention back. "Hey, Kev, do you have an extra copy of that witness statement from the girlfriend? I can't find mine."

"Sure." Kevin barely looked up as he pulled open his bottom drawer. But then something caught his attention and he turned his head to see a blue balloon floating slowly from the now open drawer. Kevin grabbed the small string attached before it floated to the ceiling.

So this had to be apart of the gift because Javier knew where Kevin kept his witness statements and he probably placed that there for him to find. And then it clicked. The needle and a balloon. Kevin pulled the needle off the paper and held it close to the balloon. "Do you think I have to pop it?"

Javier pretended to not know. "Maybe, bro. Try it."

Kevin quickly stuck the needle into the balloon and heard a loud pop, causing everyone in the bullpen to look at him. Kevin held his breath, waiting for something to happen. But he looked around and didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. He looked down at his lap where the balloon remains were scattered and caught sight of a slip of paper. He lifted it up and the words on the paper out loud, "I love the way you make me smile."

Kevin felt his cheeks burn up, but he looked up to see Javier doing his best to try and play it cool so he didn't think he'd notice.

"Don't think it's such a surprise that you make someone smile, Kev."

Kevin felt his heart warm at Javier's soft voice and he wanted to end it there. He wanted to leap across their desks and wrap his arms around Javier.

But he didn't want to ruin it. Javier was getting to the end and it was getting sweeter and more sappy as he continued, so Kevin held back.

Kevin held the small piece of paper delicately in his hand like it would break with the slightest movement. He didn't ever want to lose this. And he wasn't talking about the note. He was talking about the man, his best friend that was sitting across from him with the most beautiful of smiles on his face.

* * *

Castle strode through the bullpen with his smile and determination bared. He was supposed to be at his own office working on his own cases, but he couldn't help himself. The only mystery killing him was Ryan's secret santa. He knew Alexis wouldn't like him here avoiding his actual work, but she would be just as curious.

Even though she seemed to already know who had their eyes on Ryan. She claimed Castle just couldn't see it like she did. Whatever.

He could figure it out, too. He would have to cheat and watch Ryan's desk to see who dropped off the last two gifts since he didn't have time to go through everyone that knew Ryan. Castle was also kinda stumped there because Ryan didn't hang out with anyone except for him, Beckett and of course Esposito. Maybe his crush admired him from afar.

Castle didn't see Ryan or Esposito at their desks, but he caught sight of the two in the break room. Castle rushed over to them, carefully avoiding the window to his wife's office so she didn't kick him out for "distracting her detectives".

When he entered the break room and shut the door, he heard the distinguishable sound of a balloon popping. Castle raised his eyebrows as he watched Ryan excitedly read a slip of paper in his hands.

"What's going on here?" He inquired as he took a seat next to Kevin.

"I love when I get lost in your eyes," Ryan read from the paper with a smile on his face.

Castle furrowed his brow and looked to Esposito hoping for an answer. The detective met his gaze and rolled his eyes. "Kev got more presents from his secret-"

"They're notes, Castle! Little notes with reasons to love me." Ryan said with a bright smile, showing Castle the note. "This is the sixth note so far. The others are in my desk if you wanna see them."

Castle smiled at the younger man, amused by how Ryan was acting like a kid on Christmas morning. Ryan could get himself excited about the littlest things and that always amazed Castle. Seeing Ryan so happy was enough to make Castle smile all day long.

"What do the others say? Anything about how freaky blue your eyes or about your ass?" Castle asked with a smirk.

Ryan looked horrified, but did he really expect anything different from the writer? " _Castle_!"

"What're you saying, Castle? You checking out my partner's ass?" Esposito said with warning lacing his voice. He was scary when he got into over-protective boyfriend mode- which was when anyone flirted or stared at Ryan too long.

Suddenly it all made sense.

Castle gasped loudly looking from Esposito to Ryan and then back to Esposito. His shocked face turned into a knowing grin. " _You_."

Esposito looked confused, but then his face paled underneath his dark complexion and Castle knew that he knew that he knew. "Castle, don't-"

"What?" Ryan asked immediately, looking from Castle back to Esposito.

"Oh, nothing, just wondering if he stares at your ass, too." Castle quickly stood up and exited the break room before Javier could kill him.

"That was weird," Kevin said once the writer was gone.

Javier raised his eyebrows. "Really, bro? Castle's always weird."

"Yeah, I guess." Kevin shrugged his shoulders.

"C'mon," Javier said, nudging Kevin's shoulder. "Let's go find more balloons."

Kevin grinned widely and Javier couldn't help but smile back at his partner.

* * *

By the end of the day, Kevin had collected a short stack of papers with the sweetest words anybody had ever told him written down. All from his partner, Javier Esposito.

If he ever heard someone say that Javier wasn't sentimental or sappy, Kevin would rightfully slap them.

Thankfully, they didn't have any open cases so Javier and Kevin pretty much spent the entire day together finding balloons throughout the precinct.

If Kevin didn't know it was Javier before this, than he definitely would have by now because the notes could only have been written by him. Sure, some were just obvious things that anybody would have seen, but there were others that wouldn't have been so easily noticed. Like, ' _I love the way your nose crinkles when you laugh._ ' or ' _I love the little wrinkles in your forehead when you're confused._ '

Nobody paid attention to Kevin like that. Nobody except Javier.

And others were less romantic, but still obviously Javier. ' _I love your ugly ties._ '

But none hit him as hard as the last one did. He popped that last balloon and expected a cute note finding a new shade of blue to compliment his eyes. He wasn't expecting the note to give him goosebumps.

' _It scares me how much I love you._ '

Javier was silent, but Kevin could see the uncertainty he was trying to hide. He didn't even make a joke like he had done on every other note. He excused himself and avoided Kevin for the rest of the night.

Kevin let him go. He figured it was better to let this out of his system and sort through his feelings now.

So he was sitting at his desk as the last of the detectives exited the bullpen. Kevin was too busy reading all of the notes. He smiled at the one on top: ' _I love that you're a big dork._ '

He didn't hear as Karpowski said, "Goodnight, Ryan." before she went home, leaving only Kevin in the bullpen. Except for Beckett who was probably still holed up in her office, sorting through the day's paperwork. He also didn't hear Castle walk out of her office and come to sit next to him.

"You know."

Kevin looked up. "What?"

"You know who he is. Your secret santa."

Kevin nodded his head with a faint smile. "Yeah. Since day three."

"How?" Castle asked. "I mean, I'm a writer, I should know how to solve mysteries like this."

Kevin raised his eyebrows. "And I'm a detective."

"You get my point. I could have at least solved it sooner." Castle said, sounding frustrated at himself.

"He's my partner, Castle. Nobody knows him like I do. Don't let it damage your ego too hard." Kevin laughed.

Castle brushed that off, taking it as karma from all the times he called Kevin a leprechaun. "So you let him go through with all that stuff?"

Kevin sighed softly. "Castle...you're rich and famous and handsome and funny. So I doubt you've ever had a problem getting a girlfriend. Hell, you married the girl of your dreams."

Castle couldn't argue with that.

"But, me? I'm not rich or famous. I'm just a baby-faced socially inept guy that makes every conversation awkward. High school, I was the joke of school. You know, because what 'gay' kid goes to Catholic school. Sure, it got better after high school, but of all the girlfriends and boyfriends I've had...none have ever made me feel like Javi does."

Kevin was staring down at his lap, unable to look Castle in the eyes as he admitted this.

"It's selfish, but I wanted to keep getting those little presents. I really looked forward to it. I was just afraid that if I told him I knew it was him, he'd freak out and think he's making a mistake. I can't lose him, Castle. So I'll wait for him to be ready. Whether I have to wait a day, a year or a lifetime."

Castle finally spoke up, his voice much softer. "You really love him, huh?"

Kevin smiled down at the note on his desk and nodded. "It scares _me_ what I would do for him."

"Well, tomorrow's the twelfth day, right? So you won't have to wait much longer." Castle nudged his shoulder.

"Yeah, that's _if_ he decides to go through with it and tell me." Kevin sighed, looking back at the writer.

"Why do you have to wait for him? Look at what he's given you, Kev. He obviously loves you. He knows he loves you too. There's no more needing to get ready; he just has to have the balls to tell you. But why not you?"

"Castle, I can't-"

"Just listen for a sec. If tomorrow everything goes well and he tells you, then you don't have to. But if he doesn't, if he chickens out, you need to say something or you two will be chasing each other's tails for the rest of your lives." Castle stood up with one last pat to Kevin's shoulder. "You're both head over heels for each other. Stop waiting so long to start your happy ending."

* * *

Kevin thought about what Castle said. He spent all night staring up at his ceiling thinking about what he said. Castle was right. Kevin was done tip-toeing around feelings and pretending like there was nothing between him and Javi.

He wanted Javier to be his and he wanted to be Javier's. And if Javier wasn't going to say that by the end of the day, then dammit, Kevin would.

For the whole day as it turned out, Javier avoided Kevin. When followed him to the break room for their usual afternoon coffee, Javier quickly made his and left instead of sitting at the couch with Kevin to hide from Beckett and not do paperwork- like they usually did. He declined Kevin's offer out to lunch and so Kevin went alone.

Kevin spent the whole time arguing with himself, trying to decide if it was a good idea or not to tell Javier how he felt. Javier had to have felt the same. He couldn't be having second thoughts, he was just nervous.

So Kevin stormed back into the bullpen, determined to grab Javier by the shoulders and shout at him and scream 'I love you!' until he finally understood.

But Kevin returned to find their desks empty. Well, except for the dozen roses on Kevin's desk. Kevin blushed fiercely and looked around to see if anyone was staring at the flowers as well. All of them had their eyes diverted, but Kevin knew some were peeking from the corner of their eyes.

He ignored them and walked over to his desk. He pulled the small card from the flowers and read it. ' _I love you, Kevin Ryan. I love your flaws. I love your perfections. I love every single thing about you. My future only sees you and I think I'd like to start my forever with you now. I've waited long enough. Meet me in the gym.'_

Kevin's eyes widened. _This was it._ Kevin played with the edge of the card nervously. Although he had no reason to be. Javier was allowed to be the nervous one, not knowing if Kevin loved him back or not.

But Kevin did. Kevin loved him more than there were stars in the sky.

So Kevin swallowed back any lingering doubt and started marching straight to the gym He left his roses safe on his desk because he knew the second he saw Javier he'd be running into his arms and he didn't want them ruined.

Only, when he got down into the gym, his confidence was gone and replaced with butterflies gnawing at his stomach.

He could just barely see Javier standing in the back in the doorway to the showers. Kevin gulped and continued walking towards him. He knew he shouldn't have been feeling this nervous. This was Javier, his partner. The same guy that went to his family reunions every summer. The same guy who bought him presents just because. The same guy that invited him over for dinner with Mama Esposito once a month. The same guy that had been by his side for the past 12 years. The same guy he was in love with.

"Javier." Kevin said, breaking the silence.

"Kevin." Came the low hesitant reply.

Kevin didn't wait one more second. Just hearing Javier say his name had him throwing all 'what if's out the window and running into Javier's arms. Kevin wrapped his arms around Javier and pulled him close, ignoring the stiffness of Javier's body. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" He asked, pulling away to look at him.

Javier looked surprised, but still anxious. "Wha-?"

"I know it's you, idiot." Kevin laughed.

"Oh, you know, uh, I know, I know it was stupid-"

Kevin rolled his eyes. "Stupid? No. The sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me? Yes."

Javier's face brightened. "Really? You liked it? You don't think it was dumb?"

"Of course not, Javi."

"Wait, how long have you known?" Javier furrowed his brow.

Kevin smirked. "Since day three."

Javier's eyes widened. "What? How?"

"The same croissant, Javi. The same croissant you always buy me. Did you think I wouldn't notice?"

Javier paused, but then the surprise disappeared from his face and he smiled. "That's downside of crushing on a detective," he joked.

"You, being a detective, should have known that I would have felt the same way. I invited you home for Christmas last year for Pete's sake. I don't bring just anybody home to my family _in Ireland_ you know." Kevin rolled his eyes with a fond smile.

Javier laughed and finally put his arms around Kevin's waist to pull him closer. "So you liked all the gifts? Honestly."

"I did and I loved them even more because they came from you." Kevin saw a flash of doubt pass through Javier's eyes- he was always thinking he wasn't good enough. "Hey, I'm being honest, Javi. You're it for me. I don't imagine myself growing old with anybody but you. When I'm old and gray and wrinkly I want to look beside me and see _you_. You are my everything now until the end of time."

Javier pulled him closer until their noses were brushing each other. "I'm so glad you said that, corazon. There was a reason I brought you down here. One because we've got some privacy and two because there was a convenient spot for me to hang that." He nodded his head up.

Kevin looked up to the doorframe and saw mistletoe hanging above their heads. "And just went I thought you could get any cheesier." He grinned.

Javier smiled before pulling Kevin flush against his chest and their lips met. Kevin couldn't even describe the feelings coursing through his body as Javier lips continued to kiss his. Nobody had ever made Kevin feel this way. Not that Kevin was surprised. He always thought Javier was probably a great kisser.

And he was. He was rough and not afraid that he'd break Kevin with too much force, but at the same time he was gentle and careful, making sure that Kevin got all the attention he deserved.

"You know," Kevin said, even though he hated to pause the kiss. "I never imagined our first kiss to be in this moldy gym."

"I don't know," Javier said in a low husky voice. "I've imagined us doing more than just sparring in this gym."

Kevin moaned and went back to letting Javier devour his lips. Until they needed to breathe again. Then they stopped and Kevin rested his forehead against Javier's. "Hey, Javi?"

"Yeah, Kev," he breathed, his eyes closed and a slight flush to his cheeks.

"Next time if you're trying to keep yourself a secret by writing notes to me. Have someone else write them because if you think after 12 years over being your partner I haven't memorized your handwriting, you're crazy."

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoyed:)
> 
> i still have another christmas fic i have to finish up and post whoops.


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